A Curly Cut Healed My Relationship to My Black Hair

Like many Black girls, I had a complicated relationship with my hair growing up.

For the majority of my childhood, I never really knew what my natural curls looked like. Once I was old enough to get a relaxer, my appointment was scheduled. Getting my hair permed was a constant in my life for over a decade.

Over the years, instead of learning how to take care of my hair, I opted to damage it. My flat iron was booked and busy during my most formative years. I didn’t let anyone see a singular wave or any trace of texture until freshman year of college.

My difficult relationship with my hair continued into adulthood — and sometimes, at the hands of others. On a particularly hard day, one of my close guy friends saw that I had blown out my hair. Instead of complimenting me, he decided to say that I looked like a palm tree that was hit by Hurricane Irma. What a descriptive way to kick me while I was already down. Even though I was scared, I tried something new and someone who I thought cared about me heightened that insecurity. Back to the heat damage I went.

It wasn’t just a haircut for me. In one day, I learned to truly love my hair.

Three years after that comment, the COVID pandemic hit. I was stuck inside with nothing to do and nowhere to go, so for the majority of the lockdown, I wore cornrows. Growing up, I didn’t like wearing this style because societal conditioning made me think they weren’t feminine — which is the furthest thing from the truth. While isolated, I got good at braiding and would cornrow my hair once a week. Because my hair was finally protected and got a break from the heat styling, my curls started to become more prominent. So much so that in the fall of 2020, I cut off my dead ends and had a full head of curls for the first time since I was a child.

Over the next four years, I experimented with different products and protective styles, but I never felt beautiful just wearing my natural hair. I didn’t know what to do. When all hope was lost, I decided it was time for a haircut — by someone who knew what they were doing. Living in Phoenix, an area with few options for textured hair, I started searching for curly hair salons and specialists. Funnily enough, one of my favorite creators used to live in the same state and would get her hair done at a salon not too far from me. So I looked into it, booked an appointment at the same location, and the next thing I knew it was finally time.

I hadn’t had my haircut in almost a decade, so I was terrified, but my curl specialist, Melanie Cash, did the lord’s work that day. I came in with dry, tangled curls that I didn’t know what to do with, and by the time I left, I had fresh bouncy curls and an outlined hair-care routine that actually made me excited for wash day.

I watched my hair transform before my eyes, and learned what it needed along the way. I have 4a/b textured hair with low porosity, which means I have tighter coils that need a LOT of hydration. Because of this, I learned, I would need to deep condition and steam treat my hair during my weekly wash days so that it isn’t overly dry.

As we went through every step, I asked what she was doing and with what products, even taking notes on my phone to ensure I wouldn’t forget and could recreate this process next wash day. Now I knew what products to use in what order:

After years of resenting and suppressing what naturally grew out of my head, it only took two hours with a knowledgeable person who cared for me to see not only how beautiful my hair is, but to learn that it’s actually not hard to do either.

It wasn’t just a haircut for me. In one day, I learned to truly love my hair. The hair that I’ve had for the past 25 years, for the first time.

Now that a few months have passed and I have settled into my new routine, I wish I had scheduled an appointment sooner. My bad hair days are not nearly as taxing. I can experiment with new styles and know how to adapt them to my hair’s needs. And above all else, I am content and love how I look with my natural hair, regardless of the style. It took me a while to get here, but I love my fro and wouldn’t change it for the world.

Daria Yazmiene is a freelance writer, social media manager, and advocate for BIPOC communities. She is a proud graduate of Arizona State University’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism.