Did Trump write a secret executive order decreeing that angry D-list British attention whores must be returned to their nation of origin? First, Prince Harry and his American wife mysteriously hightailed it out of their Montecito mansion for the Cotswolds, and now Milo Yiannopoulos gets deported back to the United Kingdom as well? We have enough undesirables entering the country without adding these shameless grifters. Hasn’t the UK suffered enough?

Apparently not. On Friday, Yiannopoulos – who just last year was calling for ‘on the spot deportation for anyone who can’t prove they are in the US legally’ – was arrested by Immigration and Customs Enforcement at the Louis Armstrong Airport in New Orleans and sent back to his native England for overstaying his visa.

If schadenfreude had a face, it would be Milo’s mugshot. The once handsome young man who gained fame because he was willing to say things nobody else would, burnt every bridge and delighted in the misfortune of others. And now his ageing visage is plastered all over the internet in a deeply unflattering photograph taken by ICE: dishevelled, dark circles under his wonky eyes, beard unkempt, zero rizz. It was a move so bitchy that Milo himself would surely appreciate it.

I have been a Milo watcher for years. I was once a fan. It was the age of ‘owning the libs’, and he was a master of the art. He could be charming – especially if bon mots and bitchy asides are your favourite kind of humour. I was entertained by how well he rage-baited feminists. ‘I delight in offending people’, he cheekily told an irate Cathy Newman on Channel 4 News at the height of Woke 1, when the pathetic chattering classes were retreating to their safe spaces after Trump’s first win. As far as I was concerned, he was performing a public service.

Not surprisingly, for someone who said deliberately offensive things for a living, eventually he went too far. During a podcast he recorded in 2016, he described the underage sexual relationship he had with an adult priest as consensual, calling himself ‘the predator’. In the same discussion, he made a crude sexual joke about sex with ‘boys’ and said that some young teens are mature enough to consent to sex with adults. In February 2017, the podcast footage resurfaced leading to him being swiftly cancelled from the conservative Big Leagues, uninvited from CPAC, and having his Simon & Schuster book contract cancelled. He also resigned from Breitbart.

For a brief moment, Milo was part of a venerable Western tradition: the witty, vituperative, homosexual aesthete. But because this is a low and base time, instead of sticking with arch, provocative commentary for an influential gaggle of bohemian followers – as would have sufficed in, say, the Edwardian era – Milo went full internet retard. He spent the past few years associating with a smattering of mentally unstable scoundrels, including Kanye West, Candace Owens and Marjorie Taylor Greene. He joined in their wild conspiracy theories and harassment of Erika Kirk, Charlie Kirk’s widow, even though he is surely smart enough to have known better. And yet, the likes of West, Owens and Greene have (as of the time of writing) said nothing in his defence since his deportation.

I’m still a libtard fag-hag at heart. Part of me wishes I could rescue Milo so I can keep him as my own personal gay bestie. But I have read enough of his tweets to know that if I did, he’d thank me by publishing my DMs, lying about my husband being gay and calling me a fat, ugly, old slut to his nearly one million X followers.

Milo failed the most important test for any man who wants to play the role of classy British homosexual delivering devastating takedowns to his uncouth American followers: he became the messiest hoe of them all. As Trump would say, sad.