Who sounds madder to you: the bloke in the pub who likes golf and whiskey or the twat on the street wearing a keffiyeh like a holy shroud while cackling dementedly as an inflatable Jeffrey Epstein sodomises an inflatable Donald Trump? Come on, it’s an easy one. Give me the normie whiskey-sipper over the bourgeois half-wit who simps for Hamas any day of the week. Luckily for Trump, it was the former who cheered for him during his trip to Ireland, while his haters consisted of the most batshit agitators ever to disgrace the streets of Dublin.

It always amazes me when Trump supporters are painted as loons, given there’s no one in Christendom as nutty and annoying as a Trump hater. His two-day jaunt in Ireland was hard proof that anti-populists are far more mentally unstable than populists. Trump was cheered by everyday men and women thronging the bar of his golf course in County Clare, while 150 miles away, in the fallen city of Dublin, overeducated eejits foamed at the mouth about the ‘Epstein class’ and raised the trans flag alongside the Palestine flag. Imagine calling Trump supporters thick when you don’t even know that the only ‘transition’ a genderfluid Mick would be permitted to undergo in Gaza would be from the top of a tall building to the street below.

Trump’s visit to Ireland was hilariously uncontroversial. The press had panted for scandal. Ireland ‘braces’ for the Trump storm, said Time. We must ‘expect the unexpected’, said the Irish Independent. They couldn’t wait for Trump to say something crazy so that they might wank out yet more thinkpieces on what a menace to decency he is. Yet all he did was swap niceties with Taoiseach Micheál Martin, watch the Irish Open at his Doonbeg golf course, and commit to lifting tariffs on Irish whiskey. Will that apply just in Ireland or across the EU, he was asked? ‘Just Ireland’, he said. Oh snap.

The only thing they could cite as proof that he’s still the great uncouth blunderer of Western politics was his comment on Irish unification. A United Ireland would be a ‘fantastic thing’, he said. But here’s the thing: that’s an entirely mainstream opinion in the Irish republic. It’s the only thing Trump’s cheerers in Doonbeg and his detractors in Dublin are likely to agree on: that Ireland should be united. Even former UK PM Gordon Brown has said it’s ‘inevitable’ Ireland will be united.

Yet that didn’t stop the broken-record loathers of Bad Orange Man from trying to blow up his comments into the scandal of the decade. Trump used his trip to ‘fan the flames’ of war in Northern Ireland, said the Daily Beast. Babe, lie down. The idea that a throwaway remark by a US president could reignite the Troubles is not only fantastically dumb – it’s borderline anti-Irish racism. The Irish Indie used the words ‘geopolitical bombshell’ for its recap on Trump’s visit, yet it could cite not one crazy thing done by Trump. You could smell the disappointment.

No, for true insanity, for a glimpse into the bottomless black hole of dogmatic stupidity, one had to look to the opposition to Trump. Thousands gathered in Dublin to impotently froth about the president. It was a sea of Palestine flags – raw proof that that emblem has been wholly hijacked by pampered Westerners as little more than a vanity metric for their own moral superiority. The irony was too much: Trump gave voice to a genuinely Irish nationalist idea, while his haters wrapped themselves in a foreign flag, clearly preferring the holy relic of performative Palestinianism to anything Ireland-related. The populist cares for nationhood, the anti-populist only for the self.

They burnt the US flag. Down with the Land of Free, up with the Land of Hamas! A blimp version of Benjamin Netanyahu and Jeffrey Epstein took it in turns to bugger a blimp version of Donald Trump. Two Jews fucking an American president in the ass – it’s not exactly subtle, is it? The old fascists saw Jewish tentacles everywhere, the new ones see Jewish todgers. To drive the point home, placards showed Epstein and Netanyahu as the puppetmasters of a marionette Trump. Yeah, that’s anti-Semitic as hell. You almost have to admire the nuclear-grade gall of activists screaming ‘Fascist!’ at a democratically elected president even as they hold up imagery that might have made Der Stürmer wince.

Of course the trans flag was everywhere, too. No lefty demo is complete without the voodoo cry that you can have a cock and be a woman. Quite when ‘left-wing’ became synonymous with being a socially disordered douche who thinks men should be free to show their knobs to women (‘trans rights’) and Islamofascists should be free to kill Jews (‘resistance’) is anyone’s guess. But we can all agree, surely, that the sex-denying, Jew-taunting, anti-American bollocks on display in Dublin was in every way imaginable more unhinged than anything said by anyone in Doonbeg.

We’re told to fear populism but I find anti-populism far scarier. Trump might not be your cup of tea – fine – but an anti-Trump movement that agitates for the right of hulking fellas to play in women’s sports and for Hamas to annihilate the Jewish State all the way ‘from the river to the sea’ should horrify you far more. After his two days in Ireland we’ve learnt that Trump likes golf, whiskey and winding up Brits by yapping about a United Ireland, and that his haters think Jews control the world and a 6ft fella in a dress is literally a woman. Choose your fighter.